Is it ever worth calling people on their BS?

"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures)
05/27/2019 at 21:44 • Filed to: None

On the phone with my mom today and she starts talking about how much harder taking care of a new baby will be for my brother vs his wife. He only gets 2 weeks parental l eave , and she’ll have 3 months.

I was fine just listening until she mentioned that she expressed this opinion to my sister in law, who is the one currently carrying the baby inside of her. I let my mom know that that’s not something you should say to a pregnant person, even if it was true and not a n insane opinion.

Well, oops, then my mom started crying and saying “nobody ever says anything nice about me, etc.” And I end up apologizing to her!

Why do I bother? Both of my parents say BS inflammatory things to/about people all the time and it always turns into a fight if I speak up.

Here is an unrelated car photo:

DISCUSSION (23)

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:00

0 internet points for anyone who guesses if my brother or I am the youngest...

someassemblyrequired > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:04

Kinja'd!!!

jimz > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:05

just proof that being chronologically an adult doesn’t mean one knows how to act grown up.

most of the time I wish I could just cut myself off from everybody.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:10

Is it worth it to improve society at the expense of an individual?

I mean, how well is NOT doing that right now working out for everyone?

ranwhenparked > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:18

On the plus side, at least it came from another mother - as insensitive as it was, it certainly would have sounded a lot worse coming from your dad.

DipodomysDeserti > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:21

Don’t ever call out your mother. Call and apologize.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely
05/27/2019 at 22:25

I’ve done both with my parents a nd nothing ever improves...

Society, on the other hand, good luck with that.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > someassemblyrequired
05/27/2019 at 22:25

Unfortunately, you're probably right.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > ranwhenparked
05/27/2019 at 22:28

RIP any man who says something like that to a pregnant woman.

Just shows how much mother's care about their children that she'd be so blind to my sister-in-law's POV.

smobgirl > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:36

My mom used to whine to me constantly about how my little brother wouldn’t get a job and just sat around her house all day. I told her to charge him rent or kick him out (in the nicest way possible - I even offered to let him live with me if he worked). Suddenly she’s on his side, he’s just going through a rough patch, etc. I finally had to tell her the topic was off limits unless she was going to do something to change the situation.

He eventually moved to South Korea, so I guess she was annoying him as much as the rest of us.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > DipodomysDeserti
05/27/2019 at 22:40

I respect that position, but I already apologized. I really just want her to stop being so hard on my sister- in-law. You’d be right that it’s not my fight, but my parents (both) have done some pretty hurtful things to my wife, so I feel a little obligated to prevent history from repeating.

I'll give your rule a try and see if everyone's happier.

Nauraushaun > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:45

God those 2 door Imprezas freak me out. Rare as hen’s teeth here, have to be imported. I check every Impreza I see to find out how many doors it has. Usually 4.

Can only get you into trouble ;) Probably justifiable if the end justifies the means. For instance, if your mum’s drink driving is getting progressively worse, calling her out could save lives. Definitely worth it.

Most other times, probably not. It kills me to say though, since I really wish it weren’t so. If you’ve gotta call someone out, best you can do is try real hard to take the right approach

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > smobgirl
05/27/2019 at 22:45

Yeah, when you dig deeper, there are things like that going on here. My brother was/is way more dependent on my parents, so he can’t/won’t speak up when they verbally shit on him and his wife. They also feel more entitled to expressing unwanted opinions because they’ve done so much for him.

The younger-child codependency thing is pretty strong. How's your brother doing in South Korea?

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Nauraushaun
05/27/2019 at 22:47

I think you're probably right.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:53

I don't enjoy family members that say dense things and then freak out when barely challenged. And your mom could be right about no one saying nice things about her -- but perhaps she could think about why that is? I don't recommend you suggest any of this.

CB > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 22:54

I used to call out my mum all the time on her nonsense. How'd that work out? Well, I live 3000 kilometres from home now.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CB
05/27/2019 at 22:54

So pretty well, then.

XJDano > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 23:09

I let my wife deal with her family’s shenanigans, where my family I basically ignore the bullshit. I’m also the black sheep of a religious family, but if I needed to call my mom out I would.

There are a few life circumstances that change the dynamic of my family where I can see why the younger two siblings have gotten favoritism.

smobgirl > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/27/2019 at 23:33

He seems to love it there! Hasn’t found a job in a field he wants but he’s been out there for a few years and seems pretty settled. I think moving halfway around the world was a good choice for him. Then again, I moved halfway across the country for similar reasons. I don’t know how kids of hardcore helicopter parents stand it.

Unrelated, i t’s been really interesting to hear what parts of American news make it out there and how it’s portrayed, especially concerning our relationship with North Korea. Makes me wish I knew people in Russia too.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
05/27/2019 at 23:44

Yeah, that about sums it up.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/28/2019 at 00:17

When people cannot handle being challenged with facts, it’s probably useful to have a rational discussion even if it’s your own mother.

If she can accept it, great, if not, then the topic is off-limits forever.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > DipodomysDeserti
05/28/2019 at 07:49

You’ve clearly never met my mother.

Calling her on her BS is the only way to begin to keep her in check.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
05/28/2019 at 08:12

yea, that was a good move. The last thing your brother needs and a bunch of bullshit between his mother and wife. i’m guess in g he’s still gunn a get crap from his wife for what she said, and if he says something to your mother about it, now hes getting drama from two directions.